eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
