Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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