I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
