No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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