even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
