god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
