2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
