your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
