It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
