I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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