oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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