remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
