i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
