remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
