Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
