I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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