Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
