So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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