Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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