It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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