this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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