I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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