did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
