i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
