Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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