well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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