But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
