i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
