Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
