Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
