Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
