Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
