The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
