I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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