a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
