That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
