My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
