hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
