You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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