i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
