I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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