WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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