That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
