he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
