so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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