I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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