I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
