We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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