You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
