Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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