i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
