i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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