Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
